Caregiving For Dementia

The show is about the Delaney Family that is caregiving for someone with dementia. My mother has had dementia for two years now, and I 'm hoping that this podcast will help someone how's in the some situation. Also, I may talk about my feeling on a lot of things like religion, politics, and there may even be a lot electronics.
So basically the show is a little bet on everything that we do and get into as a Family.

Care Giving Pressure (6/2018)

In this episode of caregiving for dementia I talk a little bit about caregiver pressure. Caregiver pressures to pressure that you have as you care for someone with any kind of physical or mental disability. I talk about life pressure and the pressure that you have that you put on yourself as you care for someone else. The pressure builds and comes to where it just explodes and you jump on anybody and everybody that’s around. This was the case I found myself into with my son the other night I jumped all over him for something that he may or may not be able to control. I felt like he didn’t care, wasn’t doing anything to help the problem, was creating more pressure for me. When I leave the house for a few hours I get to feeling like I’m the one that needs to be there to take care of mom. I get the feeling that it’s my responsibility not someone else’s to take care of her. The longer I’m out the board the feeling gets that I’m the one that needs to be home so the pressure and the stress start to build. I don’t always leave the house because of this stress that it builds the pressure that it builds when I leave. There’s all kind of pressure there’s all kinds of stress in life. Some of the stress and pressure is self-induced. Some of the other pressure is just life stress in general. It don’t always get away from the pressure and the stress totally. A lot of the times things that you do to relieve the stress and relieve the presser adds a different kind of stress or pressure to you. I think that’s a lot of the reason why it has taken me a year and a half to put out 52 episodes of this podcast because deadlines add pressure. Life has enough stress and pressure that we don’t need to add stress to our lives of having a deadline for everything that we do in life. And don’t get me wrong I’m enjoying this podcast I enjoy coming in talking to you. Meeting a deadline adds undue stress to an already stressed situation. I honestly think stress and pressure starts back at the first grade. When you start school, the teacher gives you homework to do by a certain deadline. The deadline is what starts the pressure of having something done on time. Pressure starts at a very young age and you try to find different ways of relieving that stress. For me I started smoking at 14. Made me feel big made me feel like a man. Now that I’m in my 50s I’m paying for that mistake of picking up the first cigarette that I enjoyed so much that made me and cough so bad. In your 50s and 60s sometimes even in your 40s you start paying for the things that you did coming up through life.You find yourself throughout life paying for things that you did as a kid. You find yourself in a certain spot or certain place for a very long time. You find yourself having to move out of that certain spot due to the fact of some things that you did in life. I’ve said all this just to say that stress and pressure of life can never really seem to get away from it all together. It seems to follow you no matter where you go what you do or how you do it. The things that we do to relieve this pressure of life doesn’t always relieve that pressure altogether. It may relieve it for a time but you may end up paying for it later on in life. I don’t always leave the house to get away from the pressure because it creates more pressure although it may be a different kind of pressure it’s still pressure. I don’t have any answers to get completely away from the stress the pressure of caregiving. I don’t have any answers to get away from the life pressure. Yes you couldn’t go away for weekend, you can go be by yourself for a while, but I have come to realize that the pressure still that of be there no matter what, where, when, or how you try to deal with it. We just got a deal with what life hands us the best we can, the easiest way we can and go on with life.

Losing Spunk (6/2018)

Losing Spunk Episode # 51 In this episode of Care Giving for Dementia, I talk a little bit about the time I got stuck in Atlanta, Georgia airport when I was 14/15 years old. The trouble I had trying to catch the plane from Atlanta, Georgia the Pittsburgh Pennsylvania just to come home for Christmas one year. And the fact that I would probably still be Atlanta, Georgia if my mother had not been is spunky as she was. You see, Mama was the type of person who just had this look, a look that told you, no matter who you were, that you were going to do, what Mama wanted you to do. I honestly believe that Mama could get the President United States to do what she wanted as well. She just had that look that meant she meant business, and you were not going to change her mind, no matter who you were. I also talk about the fact that this devastating disease called, dementia has taken the person that took on a big airline to get me home for Christmas has changed that person so much that she’s afraid of her own shadow at times. Dementia has made her for afraid or scared of any and everything that she doesn’t know and it seems to be getting worse. I’m realizing that we are definitely losing Mama Altogether, not just the ability for her to do things, and the ability for her to talk to us, to advisor us on things, but the fact is that we are losing her altogether. Although we are realizing that were losing her altogether. We are nowhere near ready for this to happen. There comes a time when life changes, changes everything that you’re doing. We are finding ourselves in this situation, where we \ are going to be by ourselves in a very short time. A lot of it has to do with the fact that so many quick changes with mom. Some of it happening to do with the fact that the boy is now 22 years old and not knowing how long he’s going to stay home. He’s got his own life to live, how much longer the estate with mommy and daddy this, we don’t know.

Family Emergency (6/2018)

 

I open this episode, with a dedication to Debra Lilly the family member how has pass away this month.

Things that you are doing don’t matter a whole lot when it comes to family emergencies. Family emergencies, You can’t plan for they come right out of the blue and what ever you’re working on, no matter what it is or how important it is. You have to set aside in order to take care of the family emergency.

When you’re caring for someone It’s pretty much like having another child in the house. They need someone with them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. So when things happen that you need to believe the house, you have to find someone to stay with the one that your caring for. You can’t just pick them up and travel to take care of the emergency or anything else. So we find ourselves in the same situation as we did in episode number 34. Not being able to do things you know you should.

I know with Mama with her dementia condition she doesn’t understand what’s going on around her. She’s having trouble recognizing us and were with her all the time. I know that she does not understand what and why we need to leave to take care of this emergency.

After having the situation that we had an episode number 34, we have been able to locate a lady from the church that is willing to come and sit with mom when we need her to with ample notification. However, this family emergency happened and there was no time to notify this lady. So I needed to stay with mom.

With Mama’s dementia she doesn’t recognize us, sometimes, although she knew the rest of the family, with her dementia she no longer remembers who they are. She no longer knows who some of her own children are at times. So you can’t just pick her up and go anywhere. You have to have someone stay with her because she’s almost like a child.

Spring is here, summaries just around the corner and yours things in his house and around this house that I need to get taking care of. I’m having trouble doing these things because a mamas dementia. I know more go get started on something, and Mama needs something. I know more get back to doing what I was doing get concentrating on that and Mama needs something again. It’s a day by day vicious cycle.

Stephanie and I’ve been talking about getting this lady from the church to come in one or 2 days a week. Now, though, that summer is here, Stephanie is out of work for the summer. We may not get this lady through the summer. However, this winter when Stephanie goes back to work, We may get this lady to come stay with mom. So I can get some things done that I want and need to get done. We’re just not sure what, when, or even if will get this lady.

As you take care of someone they get to the point where all they want is you to be the one to take care of them. And I honestly think that’s where mamas at. She wants me and only me at times. So anyone else who’s trying to take care of her, has a difficult time doing so.

With the above being said though I honestly believe that Mama has my son and I mixed up. You see, there are times when Michael Junior can get them to do things that I’ve been trying to get them to do with a fair amount of ease. I’m not sure at those times, who she thinks I am. I’m not sure whether she thinks I’m my father, my stepfather or if she thinks I may just be someone trying to get her to do something that she doesn’t want to do.

I’ve said all of this just to say that, Life has a way of throwing obstacles at you out of the blue. That was the case this week for the family. You see, Stephanie has lost her sister. And although they were not as close as they should of been it’s still a very sad time for the family.

I asked myself this question. Is the family repeating itself? You see for the 1st 3 years of Stephanie and I marriage we were going to funerals every 6 months. We were going to funerals for either her family, my family or yes even friends of ours. Most of whom were at our wedding. You see, it’s only been about 6 months between the 2 funerals now. It makes me stop and think whether or not history is repeating itself.

With having to family deaths so close together. It really makes me stop and think, mom is 84. She has dementia. It really makes me stop and appreciate the time that we’ve have. Cause you never know when you got a be out of time. Time becomes more precious with those you love the older you get.

One thing I do know, is that death is not the end. Death is only the beginning of the afterlife. Each and every one of us will face the judgment seat of Christ, and account for our lives. I also believe that besides being a moneymaker, the funerals and the memorial services or whatever else you may have their, that’s more for your family members that you’re leaving behind. So they have some way of saying goodbye to you. I don’t believe it’s for you because you’re not there. Your in presence of God, accounting for your life.

Finally, I’ll wrap up by just saying once again that this episode of care giving for dementia is dedicated to Debra Lilly the family member that we’ve lost, and although we were not as close as we should of been, to the rest of Debra’s family that may hear this episode. I just want to say I’m very sorry, very sorry indeed for your loss.

I know with Mama with her dementia condition she doesn’t understand what’s going on around her. She’s having trouble recognizing us and were with her all the time. I know that she does not understand what and why we need to leave to take care of this emergency.

After having the situation that we had an episode number 34, we have been able to locate a lady from the church that is willing to come and sit with mom when we need her to with ample notification. However, this family emergency happened and there was no time to notify this lady. So I needed to stay with mom.

With Mama’s dementia she doesn’t recognize us, sometimes, although she knew the rest of the family, with her dementia she no longer remembers who they are. She no longer knows who some of her own children are at times. So you can’t just pick her up and go anywhere. You have to have someone stay with her because she’s almost like a child.

Spring is here, summaries just around the corner and yours things in his house and around this house that I need to get taking care of. I’m having trouble doing these things because a mamas dementia. I know more go get started on something, and Mama needs something. I know more get back to doing what I was doing get concentrating on that and Mama needs something again. It’s a day by day vicious cycle.

Stephanie and I’ve been talking about getting this lady from the church to come in one or 2 days a week. Now, though, that summer is here, Stephanie is out of work for the summer. We may not get this lady through the summer. However, this winter when Stephanie goes back to work, We may get this lady to come stay with mom. So I can get some things done that I want and need to get done. We’re just not sure what, when, or even if will get this lady.

As you take care of someone they get to the point where all they want is you to be the one to take care of them. And I honestly think that’s where mamas at. She wants me and only me at times. So anyone else who’s trying to take care of her, has a difficult time doing so.

With the above being said though I honestly believe that Mama has my son and I mixed up. You see, there are times when Michael Junior can get them to do things that I’ve been trying to get them to do with a fair amount of ease. I’m not sure at those times, who she thinks I am. I’m not sure whether she thinks I’m my father, my stepfather or if she thinks I may just be someone trying to get her to do something that she doesn’t want to do.

I’ve said all of this just to say that, Life has a way of throwing obstacles at you out of the blue. That was the case this week for the family. You see, Stephanie has lost her sister. And although they were not as close as they should of been it’s still a very sad time for the family.

I asked myself this question. Is the family repeating itself? You see for the 1st 3 years of Stephanie and I marriage we were going to funerals every 6 months. We were going to funerals for either her family, my family or yes even friends of ours. Most of whom were at our wedding. You see, it’s only been about 6 months between the 2 funerals now. It makes me stop and think whether or not history is repeating itself.

With having to family deaths so close together. It really makes me stop and think, mom is 84. She has dementia. It really makes me stop and appreciate the time that we’ve have. Cause you never know when you got a be out of time. Time becomes more precious with those you love the older you get.

One thing I do know, is that death is not the end. Death is only the beginning of the afterlife. Each and every one of us will face the judgment seat of Christ, and account for our lives. I also believe that besides being a moneymaker, the funerals and the memorial services or whatever else you may have their, that’s more for your family members that you’re leaving behind. So they have some way of saying goodbye to you. I don’t believe it’s for you because you’re not there. Your in presence of God, accounting for your life.

Finally, I’ll wrap up by just saying once again that this episode of care giving for dementia is dedicated to Debra Lilly the family member that we’ve lost, and although we were not as close as we should of been, to the rest of Debra’s family that may hear this episode. I just want to say I’m very sorry, very sorry indeed for your loss.

A Dementia Rollercoaster Ride (4/2018)

Caregiving for dementia Episode # 49 A Dementia Roller Coaster Ride The 1st 11 minutes of this episode is about new equipment that I had to buy for the podcast. In this 1st 11 minutes I talk about a Sony digital recorder as well as the Logitech C920 webca

Dementia Music (4/2018)

Care Giving for Dementia

Episode # 48

Dementia Music

 

 

In this week’s episode of caregiving for dementia, I talk a little bit about the truck, bus, van thing that I’ve been talking a little bit about. The condition of the vehicle a little bit about the costs, but mainly versus putting a shed in the backyard in which is that I think I’m leaning more toward putting the shutout, then the vehicle due to costs.

I started to call this episode Elvis Presley and dementia, because of the reaction that we have with Mama and Elvis’s music on an HBO special on Saturday night. The reaction re-received without was totally different than any other kind of music performer that we played before.

We have tried playing different kinds of music for Mama, most of which seem to just agitate her. One of these types of music would’ve been our music, such as Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, and Journey. We have also tried though, Ben Crosby, Dean Martin, as well as net King Cole. And the only reaction we seem to be able to get that with anything at all other than agitation was Elvis is music for some reason.

Now my question is, is why Elvis is the same era as Ben Crosby that King Cole, Dean Martin, why did he is music have such a different reaction. I don’t know. I think I am going to try to run some kind of a small experiment with her and music. The question of it is, as well. I have the same reaction to Elvis is music on say something like an album as I did on the TV special. Did we get the reaction from the TV special because it was something that she could see or was it the music itself? Again, I don’t know.

Was it the music itself, is it music, is it visual, or is it just noise all in general. This is something that I need to find out. I’m hoping to get mom outside in the yard a little bit when the weather breaks to find this out. If it’s noise in general that makes you react, then she should react to the birds singing out in the front yard. Will The Chipmunks the squirrels make her react the same way that she reacts to the dog? Why would she not react to other animals?

These are all kind of questions that I need to get answers to that. I hope to have some answers to as soon as the weather breaks. I hope you stay tuned. I’ll keep you updated. So I hope you stay tuned to the episodes. It will be interesting. I’m sure.

Feeling Like a bad caregiver,son (4/2018)

In your teenage years, you don’t always see eye to eye with your parents about your friends. A lot of the time you end up in a big argument with your parents over your friends, because your parents can see things down the road that you can’t. These arguments are especially harsh, when argument is over a boyfriend, girlfriend relationship.

            When it dawns on you that mom and dad knew what they were talking about, you are like wow, mom and dad did know what they were talking about. You realize mom and dad’s all this coming.

            Years go by and you’re set in your lifestyle. You have your wife and kids. You even have a good career plan and your parents are getting older and a lot of the times, At this stage in life. Your parents can no longer stay by themselves. A lot of the times you don’t have the time for your parents that they need due to your job and family obligations. In this stage of the game you start looking for adult day care centers, nursing homes, and that kind of thing. These kinds of places, However, are quite expensive.

When I think of nursing homes I think of it placed you really don’t want to be. You think most of them are dark, scrounging, dirty places. Now let me be clear. It has never been our intention to just drop mom off in a nursing home. We not even honestly considering this.

            There comes a point in life where you lose all control of everything that you do. The last little bit of control that you have is whether or not you shower/bath, take your medication when you need to. This seems to be the last little bit of control, Mama seems to have, and at times both situations end up into being small arguments.

            I named this episode, feeling like a bad caregiver, son because mom is 85. And when we get into small arguments about medication and showering, she gets a little hyper for lack of a better explanation. And I get the feeling like the bad guy because it takes so much about overall she wants to do is sleep afterward and I know that a lot of heart attacks happen, you 1st get up. Therefore, I start feeling like the bad caregiver, the bad, son because I get to thinking about these heart attack when the person that your taking care of 1st wakes up. The only thing I can think to do when Mama gets all shook up is just tell her I love her, give her a kiss tell her I love her just let them know that they are loved. You did as a child and now that you’re in your 60s 70s and 80s, they need to know that you still need him still love them.

 There are times where I don’t think Mama knows a whole lot. But then there are times when she knows everything that’s going on. The times that she knows what’s going on around her are the times that we need to love on her. The nursing arms are going to do that. The nursing homes on even a dope him up and stick them in a room somewhere where they're spending 95% of the time by themselves. That’s one reason why we’re not even considering a nursing home option. I plan on keeping mom with us, just as long as we possibly can hope that she understands that we love her that we care for and I hope that she never forgets that.

I want to send a big thank you to Miranda Jankowska from the UK for the grade email this week to let me know that this podcast is not following on dead ears. She’s let me know that there are listeners out there and I dislike the thinker so very much for the nice email. Thanks for listening thanks Miranda, thanks to all.

Personal Appearance (3/2018)

Care Giving For Dementia

Episode # 46

Personal Appearance

When you were a child, you really didn’t care about how your parents looked. However, as you got older, you started day care about how you looked because you started noticing the girls. When I started noticing the opposite sex, I started caring about how I looked in other words I cared how my hair looked, and how my clothes looked. As I grew up, Mama always used to tell me after getting my haircut how good it looked how good I looked. With dementia, you’re not always sure whether or not the person is actually there. However, when you clean yourself up after all winter long looking like Grizzly Adams and you get a reaction from someone who has dementia, you can pretty much. Rest assured that you have not totally lost that person. I guess what I mean by that is, the boy and I cleaned up ourselves. After all winter long. I look like Grizzly Adams and the boys needed to shaving in a haircut as well. He was not quite as bad as I was, but all in all, we both needed to clean up after all winter long. In other words, we went and got our haircuts and we boast shaved. Now, for me one of the reasons why I decided to do this week is because the wife Stephanie wanted me to clean up for Easter, and like most men, I teased her for a good little while telling her I was not going to do it for Easter. But I decided to surprise her Friday night when she come home from work with a haircut and a clean shave. The boy got he is the week before. So we both got cleaned up for his mother, because she wanted us cleaned up for Easter. Now Michael got his cut the week before I did mine and with Mama and her dementia. She noticed that something was changed with him. However, when I got mine haircut and I shaved I got jibber jabber like you wouldn’t believe. You see, when I didn’t get my haircut when Mama was Mama. She always told me how good I looked how nice it was that I had got my haircut. Even with Mama’s dementia, I got a lot of jibber jabber that told me that I have not completely lost my mother to this terrible disease of dementia. We have also been able to carry on a conversation with mom for the bout 24 hours due to the fact that we forgot to give her the medication. Now it was not a complete conversation, but it was a conversation. Nevertheless, you could figure out what she was talking about, to a point. So we this leaves me with the thought that maybe the medication is causing her to lose the ability to carry on these conversations. However, without these medications she becomes a handful so were caught between a rock and a hard place with the medications. We talk a little bit about dreams in this episode. You see, Mama seems to be waking up at times screaming. Absolutely terrified for some reason is this caused by dementia, the medication, or something else where unsure.

Taking Care of Yourself (3/2018)

 

Taking care of yourself episode number 45 of caregiving for dementia

When your caregiving for someone who has dementia or any other mental disease. You get all wrapped up in taking care of them. That you forget about taking care of yourself. Will this week I was able to get out of the house for about 6 or 7 hours on Saturday to take care of myself recharge my batteries and just to enjoy time to myself. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed putting it together's episode number 45 of caregiving for dementia.

The Dementia Wall (3/2018)

The dementia wall is a wall that was built by the person who has dementia to help make that person feel safe. Much like the border wall will make the country safer. Dementia isolates the one who has it, so it’s almost like you’re reaching through, over, under, or around what I’m calling a dementia wall when you’re dealing with someone who has dementia. From time to time, it’s hard to get the one who has dementia to cooperate with you. When it’s time for their medication at times, they don’t want to take it. A lot of the times, it’s a pain to do the slightest thing with that person. And for some reason a lot of the times, it’s hard to get them started with a bath. This thing that I’m calling the dementia wall takes away the person’s personality. It’s almost like their a totally different person. Although at times, the personality of the person returns, for short time. When the person personality returns you can actually have a small conversation with that person.

Dementia No Talk (2/2018)

This week’s episode of care giving for dementia is really not about dementia. However, I call it Dementia No Talk because of a couple different reasons. The 1st reason is because the more or the longer this dementia goes, the less talk, we get out of mom. The more jibber her speech becomes. But also because we’ve had a another school shooting here last week and now 17 people no longer have a voice to talk with. This episode is a lot to do with the shooting in schools my opinion on the shooting in schools how to solve it, how not to solve it. So I hope you enjoy this episode of care giving for dementia although it does not have a lot to do with dementia.